I’ve been a natural mediator from a young age, drawn to resolving disputes and fostering understanding. Early in my legal career, I was captivated by family law, not just because of its complexity but because it touched on the nuances of human behaviour and psychology. There’s something deeply fulfilling about peeling back the layers of a dispute to uncover its root causes, particularly in emotionally volatile situations. 

Over time, I became increasingly passionate about mediation—not just as an art but as a vital skill with applications far beyond the legal realm, influencing management, business, and personal relationships. Mediation offers a compassionate and effective alternative to the courtroom battle, and more couples are opting for this path as they navigate divorce. I am a staunch advocate of mediation because it is more cost-effective, faster, and flexible than traditional litigation. It provides couples with control over their timelines, protects their privacy, and prioritizes collaboration over conflict, ultimately serving the best interests of all involved—especially children. 

According to a Government of Canada survey on the Mediation Services Program, mediation has a clear impact on divorcing couples: 70 per cent felt empowered to create their own solutions, 69 per cent gained clarity on key issues, 61 per cent successfully reached agreements, 58 per cent were able to resolve family conflicts, and 54 per cent became more attuned to their child's needs. These findings highlight the effectiveness of mediation in helping families navigate the complexities of divorce while fostering communication and understanding. 

My belief in mediation was cemented after completing an executive education course on "Mediating Disputes" at Harvard Law School in 2018. There, I embraced the understanding-based mediation model, which I consider the most effective approach to conflict resolution. Unlike traditional mediation methods that often rely on rigid structures and prolonged negotiations, this model emphasizes open communication and mutual understanding. It empowers parties to drive the resolution process themselves, fostering cooperation rather than imposing decisions from the courts. 

The understanding-based model encourages direct dialogue, helping parties craft their agreements. This approach often leads to more lasting and satisfying outcomes, particularly in family law, where emotions run high and long-term cooperation is crucial. For cases involving children, mediation is particularly beneficial as it reduces conflict, prioritizes healthy communication, and lays the groundwork for a positive post-divorce relationship. It allows parents to work together as "Priority Caregivers." This is a term I helped coin to emphasize cooperative co-parenting over conflict-ridden alternatives like the "Right of First Refusal," which can exacerbate disputes by forcing parents into a rigid caregiving hierarchy. 

Mediation isn't just about resolving disputes—it's about empowering individuals to take charge of their futures in a private, controlled setting. It allows parties to feel heard, respected, and actively involved in shaping their outcomes. This sense of agency is often lost in the courtroom,

where a judge in black robes makes binding decisions that can feel impersonal and imposed. In mediation, by contrast, parties work collaboratively, fostering respect and ingenuity and redefining their family dynamics in a way that prioritizes the needs of all involved. 

Court should be a last resort. Too often, parties who initially choose litigation find themselves returning to mediation to resolve lingering issues or amend agreements. Mediation's flexibility is a key advantage—it's much easier to fine-tune a mediated agreement than to navigate the cumbersome legal process required to modify court orders. 

Ultimately, mediation provides a more creative and personalized approach to resolving family law disputes. It encourages cooperation, reduces conflict, and empowers individuals to chart their own paths forward. For anyone facing the challenges of divorce or parenting disputes, mediation offers a positive and optimistic alternative to the adversarial courtroom, prioritizing communication, understanding, respect, and the goals of all parties involved. 

CAROLYN J. LLOYD

Partner | Lerners LLP | Family Law Mediator & Arbitrator

Website: lerners.ca

LinkedIn: Carolyn J. Lloyd

Note: The author, compiler and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party due to these words coming from the author’s own opinion based on their experiences. This account is based on the author’s own personal experience. We assume no responsibility for errors or omissions in these articles.