Let’s Talk about Better Outcomes in Separation and Divorce
Justice Rod Jerke,
Court of King’s Bench of Alberta and Co-Convenor of the Reforming the Family Justice System
and
Diana Lowe, KC
Co-Lead of the Reforming the Family Justice System and Principal at Re-imagining Justice
If your family is dealing with separation and divorce, it is important that you know about Alberta’s Reforming the Family Justice System (RFJS) initiative. This is all about helping families to have better outcomes – to thrive – even as they are restructuring.
The RFJS is made up of many different sectors – justice, social, education, health and more. Together, our collaborators have learned about the impact of toxic stress and how it can be buffered by supports and skills that help to create resilience. We’ve shifted our focus away from legal, adversarial processes to the kinds of skills and supports that help families to thrive.
So what does this mean on the ground, for a family that is on the path to separation and divorce?
We hope the response will be very different from what was typically heard in the past, about making sure to get a lawyer. Not that you shouldn’t have a good lawyer! But the implication of that response was that you should get set up with someone who will fight for you. And that the legal issues are really your priority.
Instead, what we really want people to know is that most of what they’re dealing with is not really legal in nature. It is about having the kinds of social supports that will get them through these challenges. Working through relationship issues. Sorting out the challenges of parenting, including where the children will live and go to school. And of course the financial challenges..
The legal element that families need to deal with is primarily to document all of these arrangements about how the family is going to move forward in a new, healthy way. This might mean filing for Divorce, and there may be some things that the parties can’t agree on together which will require them to turn to a court. But ideally, they will get the kinds of social, relationship, parenting, financial and health supports that will really help them to address the issues that are most central to their family well-being.
This well-being approach is based in brain science. What does that mean?
Brain science includes the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) studies (Centers for Disease Control & Prevention, https://www.cdc.gov/vitalsigns/aces/index.html). From these studies we know that the more ACEs a young person experiences, the greater the risk of poor outcomes which can impact children for life, including disruption of their neuro-development; social, emotional and cognitive impairment; health risk behavior, disease, disability and social problems.
This is important for families to know about, because separation and divorce is one of the ten ACEs. Indeed, all three categories of ACEs (abuse, neglect and household dysfunction) can arise in family matters. The family justice system can actually add to the toxic stress for children and adults, because it is based on an adversarial model of dispute resolution that encourages a win-lose paradigm of conflict. Rather than de-escalating conflict and creating conditions for collaborative decision-making, parents can get caught up in a downward spiral that becomes about winning or losing, rather than about acting in ways that reduces stress and supports their child’s brain development and resilience.
So what if you’ve been in legal processes or fighting for some time? Is it too late?
No, it definitely isn’t too late. We know that parents can feel upset when they hear about the impact of ACEs and toxic stress, worrying that some of their choices or behaviors may have harmed their kids. But we want to reassure you that there is a hopeful side of the science.
It’s known as “resilience”. So when you look at the brain science resources, you shouldn’t just focus on the toxic stress, but also on the things that you can do to support resilience.
The science of resilience tells us about the ability of the brain to change and adapt as a result of experience. There are three principles to build resilience:
1. Decrease negative experiences (which often means reducing the role of legal adversarial processes)
2. Provide positive supports (which can be achieved when families gain the kinds of supports that are available for their social, relationship, parenting and financial matters)
3. Strengthen skills and abilities to manage stress (including skills that help to reduce conflict, to improve communication, and to learn better parenting skills).
This is where the hope comes from.
If folks are able to resolve their social, relationship, parenting and financial issues with supports and skills outside of the legal process, this will help to reduce the reliance on adversarial legal process. And if most legal issues are resolved through mediation, it will really only be in the most rare cases that adversarial and combative processes arise.
So bringing it right back to where we started, our wish for every family is that they find a way to move forward with all of the supports that are available, and to truly thrive. The professionals in the Divorce Magazine provide wonderful examples of the kinds of supports and skills building that are available. Also, you can reach out to local FCSS organizations throughout the province, and many other supports in your own lives and community.
Brain Science links:
How Brains Are Built: The Core Story of Brain Development: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmVWOe1ky8s (4 min)
Brains: Journey to Resilience - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJvDrT6N-mw (8 min)
Alberta Family Wellness Initiative - https://www.albertafamilywellness.org/
Three Principles to Improve Outcomes for Children and Families, Harvard Center on the Developing Child:
https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/three-early-childhood-development-principles-improve-child-family-outcomes/
Email: Diana.lowe@re-imaginingjustice.ca
Ph. 780-908-1473
