#48 Trauma-informed Difference
With Miranda Solomon
Professionals can offer a unique trauma-informed difference in their client relationships, especially if they've had similar life experiences.
Joining me today is my friend, Miranda Solomon, a Senior Financial Consultant with IG Wealth Management. She shares how her life experiences enhance the connections she has with her clients.
You can find Miranda online:
Website: IG Wealth Management
Phone: 780.431.0527
Email: miranda.solomon@ig.ca
LinkedIn: Miranda Solomon, RIS
Facebook: Miranda Solomon-IG Wealth Management
Watch the video of this interview on our YouTube channel.
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Transcript:
Miranda Solomon 0:00
Hi, I'm Miranda Solomon, and you're listening to the Divorce Magazine Canada podcast.
Deena Kordt 0:06
Hey, are you or someone you care about considering dealing with, or been through a divorce or separation? Well, you're in the right place. You don't have to do this alone. There are people who care and want to help. Hi, I'm Deena Kourt, and author, blogger, publisher, and empowerment coach. Thanks for joining me on the divorce magazine Canada podcast, you are going to hear from our team of experts and professionals how to navigate this difficult transition in your life easier, more efficiently, and with better outcomes. Did you know we host online divorce resource groups that are free to attend, and everyone is welcome? Check out the links in our show notes. And be sure and join us. We love bringing experts to you, please refer to our terms of service available on our website, divorce magazine canada.com. And stay tuned at the end for the legal language. Ready? Here we go.
Joining me on the episode today is my friend Miranda Solomon, and she is a financial consultant, who also has life experience that makes her trauma informed. And that does create a difference in how she builds relationships with her clients. It it really allows for a deeper connection in a different way. And we're going to discuss more about that today. So let's meet her now.
Hi, Miranda. We are looking forward to this day. And you totally made my morning I got a I got an email from Miranda this morning saying woohoo. I'm so excited. That is all chat later. And here we are. So we have talked about how your life experiences have made you approach your business and how you serve your clients in a unique and different way. And I just found that really fascinating. So we are going to feature a deeper dive into your own personal story and your experiences in another episode in the Open House series. So please be sure and watch for that one that's coming up. Now. Thank you for being here. Please tell us more about yourself. And let's get into this juicy topic of how what you do. And how you're using your experience makes you better it and how you serve your clients.
Miranda Solomon 2:39
Thanks so much for having me. I've been excited for quite some time. We've been putting this out for a couple of months. And yeah, the connections amazing. I. So thank you for the opportunity for sure. It's great to be here. So I like to call myself trauma informed but through experience, right? It's a little bit different when you haven't had that experience and working with clients on their own level in collaboration and understanding. I think it is that authenticity of I get it. You've been there. I've been there. How can we help to work together to get you towards your goals is essentially how I work with clients on that same level. It's it's a camaraderie, we're both on this on the same, I think path and I'm here to hold your hand and to walk you through this process. It's kind of scary, because, you know, maybe we've had some bad experiences we've you know, lost a lot of finances, through a divorce, for example. Maybe there was domestic violence, maybe there wasn't addictions, all of these types of things. And really, as I said before, that shame that comes in and you know, I kind of failed and how do we trust myself, again, to make financial decisions, let alone even choose new relationships, but more so how do I go forward and plan for myself and really take responsibility for my own financial situation? When we start to figure out, you know, there's paradigms there, and there was parts that we had responsibility for, but kind of just like letting go where we can and moving forward and trusting ourselves in a lot of ways. Yeah.
Deena Kordt 4:15
It's scary. You think like, am I going to be okay? Now what? And then they come in to see you. So let's so let's just build a picture for people. Now. Someone comes in to see you, you're a financial advisor, and they express this fear. Am I going to be okay, like it? Look, this is all I know about my finances, and maybe it's very, very little and and where can we start? And how does, how does the fact that you have had some similar experiences or you suspect that maybe you've had some similar experiences by some of the things that they're saying how can you help them feel supported?
Miranda Solomon 4:59
Well, I mean, in in when we meet together, it's more so of just building a connection I like to dealing with my clients is like having coffee with friends, it really is, right? I mean, you deal with people that you'd like know and trust, we have to have a relationship and financial planning for quite many years while you save up for your retirement. And often we're going to go towards retirement in a similar way, right? And so you've probably been 25 years with your financial planner. So what does that look like? Right? So we sit down and unlike other planners, or advisors in the banks, here's the difference. I make sure I sit down with clients and figure out where you're at right now. And then start to look at opportunities to make things a little bit better. But the actual investing side of it comes last. So when when you when clients come to see me, I mean, it's about relationship, right? And so, like you say, it's often like you're sitting down to have coffee with a friend, somebody that's understanding that's not judging you to say, Okay, where are you at right now? And hopefully, there's some information I can give you to help. Right. So what we do is flush out currently, where you're at right now, and what's keeping you awake at night? What do you worry about? How can I sort of maybe flush those things out and help with them in the meantime, like right away, and then I take that information back, we meet a second time to come back with statements and things like that and make recommendations. But my goal really is to have you understand your your situation, understand what you're doing, get your statements be like, Yeah, we talked about this, that the product is sort of the last thing, it's it's the tools that I have to help you have a better financial future. But the relationship and the connection is the basis of all of it, right? So we're kind of interviewing each other. And we're figuring out, you know, what common grounds that we have and things like that, but I really work hard to make sure that you are in a confident position about your future. And I will tell you, even the clients with millions of dollars, whether they came out of a divorce or not, are still worried, they still want to hear and are going to be okay. Right? Don't worry, I'm going to be along here with you, it may not be the most lavish of a retirement, you know what I mean driving a Lexus, and things like that. But you're going to be okay, we're going to work through this together. And while we still have some time, we can build you the future that you want, right? So talking about those goals and getting excited about things, I get goosebumps, because it's such a great feeling to be able to facilitate and help people along that
Deena Kordt 7:29
it's encouraging to know that there are people that not only have the skills, the knowledge, the background, to face that scary topic of our money, and our retirement and our investments and all that. But it's, it's a real person, this is a real person that's lived a life and, you know, has experiences and they want to connect with you, like you say you're sitting down with them as friends, and you want to create that relationship of trust, because you need you need that trust there, they are bringing some a very touchy, you know, topic, they're in their assets, and they're there, they need to trust that you are going to guide them because this is going to affect them down the road as well. And the fact that they can see, you know, you care that way. And you're willing to show some vulnerability, because in order to establish some of that trust, you can't have your guard up either, you know, allowing them to get to know you and that you have had some you've had trauma, you've had some negative experiences. And not only can they see hope, in the fact that oh my gosh, okay, so she is this person today, even though she's had some very difficult experiences, like I've had, and you can, you can do that without sharing all the deep details necessary, and you can still create that bond. And I know we experienced that, too. And it's, it's just a different level of of trust, I guess.
Miranda Solomon 9:09
Absolutely. So the other thing to mention about that, too, is in a financial plan, people talk about I need to have all this money before I need a financial planner, before somebody will look at the end, I get it the industry the way that it is. But when you look at a holistic plan, it's understanding your current situation, recognizing risks. For example, do you have life insurance in place, should something happen to you? You know, again, it's coming along with those worries, I don't want to leave a burden to my family. I want to make sure that my kids are provided for and that they can go to school. And one of my really big why's is that I want to do well for my family and I want for my grandchildren to be able to go to school and do whatever they want to do. As long as they can qualify for that. Do you know what I mean? You want to be a doctor? Absolutely. Do the schooling be smart enough to do that? Commit to it and you're School is paid for, that's what I want to leave as a legacy to my family, because it was never something that I was able to have in my experience and where I grew up. Now, there's a lot of really great things that came from where I grew up. But it just gave me that it lit that fire underneath me to want to do better and to exceed and to take some of those worries away. You know, we always say that we want to do better for our children and our parents did for us. And they did the same thing as well, they improved my life so much better than what they grew up in. Right. So again, I mean, looking at a financial plan is not always just about the investment side, and the products and that kind of thing. It's about setting up an estate plan, right, making sure that your family is provided for taxation, a huge thing, you're not losing half of your assets to taxation. This is the stuff that I find easy. And it's like a puzzle in a way because we have so many strategies that we can use. But for me, it's it's recommending those strategies and explaining them to us that you completely understand what you're doing, right? I'm making this recommendation that you go ahead this way. Because this, this, and this, because you've explained that these were your worries, and these are going to solve your problems, not because I'm gonna get paid more not because of any other situation. I'm just recommending this, right. And money is really emotional, we have worked so hard for what we have. So it's really, really hard to worry about taking risk with it and things like that. But again, it's risk for reward, and making sure you're comfortable with what you're doing. And you're educated on that. So I like to say there's no silly questions. And anything that any information that I share applies to three zeros or 10 zeros. And I'm just here to share that right and to make your situation better. And if I can't, that's amazing. You've built yourself a situation where there's not a whole lot I can do to improve it. But it's not just about the investments. That's the big piece.
Deena Kordt 11:54
So there's a few things I want to unpack here, Miranda, because first when you use the word risk, and there's risk involved, there's risk involved in not doing it ignoring it is maybe more risky, actually, would you say that that's accurate?
Miranda Solomon 12:08
Well, not making a decision to face things. Like making the decision not to face things is a decision in itself. You're okay with the status quo. And it's kind of wasting time I like to say, Well, we still have time, let's have a peek at this, you know, and they are the tough conversations, you know, often it's people who have been divorced, and they're getting into a new relationship. And it's often the women, they you know, they come to do the financial planning, they've never done it before. They're in a common law situation, sharing with them about their. And again, I'm not a lawyer, and I'm not an accountant. But what does that situation look like? You know what I mean? How long have you guys been together? Should there be a cohabitation agreement in place? What would happen? Should something happen to you right now? You know, and just covering off those things, instead of putting on the blinders and hoping that everything is going to be okay. Let's be informed with education and take steps with that information and powered with information and there's no rush to do any of it either. Right? So there is risk in not looking at it, there is absolutely risk and not knowing. And so if we find out Yeah, it's kind of scary. But now we can deal with it. Now it's here. And we know that you know, if you pass away, your mortgage, for example, is not going to get paid off. So we can look at insurance on the outside, right and often late, often much more lucrative products that are built directly for you. But that's beside the point. It's it's a, this feels the need that you're worried that you're going to leave your family with a burden, right? So
Deena Kordt 13:47
yeah, and bringing it up doesn't mean that it's going to happen, like writing a will isn't a death certificate, having a Cohab or a prenup agreement doesn't guarantee that you're going to have a divorce, talking to your financial analysts or finding one doesn't mean you're going to uncover something horrific in your finances, and they're gonna say, oh, man, sorry, there's nothing I can do for you, you are just in such a bad mess. And it's not that and the other thing I'm really happy you mentioned is around that misconception that you need to have millions before you talk to a financial advisor. It can be three zeros, or it can be multiple zeros. That you're dealing Yeah, you can start anywhere.
Miranda Solomon 14:34
Yeah, I mean, unfortunately, in the business when when when you're growing a business, it has to be effective and this kind of thing. So but I mean advisors that are young in the business and starting out. We want to be able to build those relationships with clients and I am huge on that connection knowing that, hey, I can make a difference in your situation. Like I said, whether it's a couple of zeros but also, you're going to know other people that need my services. as well, and I'm happy to look after them. I don't like that feeling of the of that minimum. And to be completely honest, I don't have $250,000 to invest to come and talk to me, You know what I mean. And I see that people are being pushed away from the banks with, you know, targets and just the risk of that sales seem vibe, and they are not getting well taken care of, they're falling through the cracks, because they figured diversifying by different banks, you know, I've got a bank account at every place. And hopefully, I'm gonna get enough information to be able to get ahead, you need somebody who is dedicated to you, who can look at your bigger picture, even if you do have money at RBC, for example. I mean, you don't need to move it, I just need to understand where that money is and how its invested. So that I'm not making decisions or recommendations that are counteracting against that, right. The other thing too, is we have the best financial planning software in the business that looks at that holistic plan, everything with taxation, if you have a business, if you have assets, it all comes together to do a projection. And it's actually really neat, we could get in there and play around with it. So it's all in the in the hope of collaboration, your lawyer, your accountant, they can all get in there and advise and we can all work together to take care of you, right. And so that's a really great feeling to know that there's people that you can trust, that have got your back. And it's not about making a sale, it's about making sure that you get toward your goals.
Deena Kordt 16:34
And then back to the topic around the trauma informed. This is somebody who cares about you, they've been there they have, and the situation, obviously, their net, none are the same. So I want to make sure to clarify that nobody's situation is exactly the same. But the feeling sometimes that fear, that shame, the guilt that I should have been on top of this more, all of that plays into it. And when you are someone who gets it, and you're now talking to a financial adviser, say for example, like yourself, who gets that, and they already know that, okay, they're coming from a place of have this fear, this guilt, this shame, this, maybe that maybe that's been a lot of psychological abuse as well. And they've dealt themselves. And they, they, they don't even trust themselves to make decisions, let alone turn this over and trust someone else to help guide them. So there's a lot of this going on. And if they if they can feel comfortable that that their advisor, and the professionals that they're working with, understand that from an from a from personal experience, which is different, then is then you know, being educated around it, then that's so encouraging. And it's like, okay, I don't need to try and explain. Because I don't entirely I'm just saying how I was at some points in my life, I don't understand what's what, what I'm feeling, I can't even begin to try and communicate that to you and what I need and how you can support me, but you've been there, you've worked on your own healing, you've come out the other side, you now have a calmer, clearer perspective on that. And you can really support them in that way. And I think that's how do you value how can you is invaluable? Like, how do you even put a value on that it's amazing.
Miranda Solomon 18:23
You hit the nail right on the head, like I said that that connection, and that understanding that just comes naturally, when I have somebody before me that is worried about all these things, and they don't know how to put it into words, I find it natural to communicate, it's easy for me. So it's just one of my superpowers. I remember that person that hopelessness, what I went through, and in my situation, it wasn't as much as a physical abuse, it was a lot of emotional abuse, you can't do this by yourself, you know, you're not smart enough, you're whatever. And to, to come out of that, right? Remember how hopeless things were at one time and how we're weak you were? It's important to to recognize those things. But also, I'm often the person to say it's okay to put that down. You're not there anymore. I mean, I had somebody say to me at one point, you know, I wish that I didn't know I had gotten an emergency protection order. And I was like, you know, like, can we just let that go? Honest to goodness, because you're not the person. You're not the policeman who should have recommended that or said that it wasn't the right thing or whatever. Yes, your situation might have been a little bit different. Had you gone that route. But that is not on your shoulders, that's on the people who provided for you and advised you and we can't go back and fix it. We're at where we're at. So let's just move forward from that. So don't why would why would you beat yourself up over something you had absolutely no control over. It's not a failure. It's just the way that things went down. Sure could have been different. I'm sure it could have been better. But I mean, that's the way that life is right So I get it with the mental trauma with that, trying to get out on your own feet and like stand up, and it's very shaky, and it's scary. And it's, it's important to have those that have succeeded through it, right, I heal through dealing with this as well, it's so cathartic to show other people, I would say I would do this for free, I probably work less hours, I wouldn't have been up till midnight last night. But I, I find it so fulfilling, regardless of what I make off of it in income. It's that connection, and especially since COVID, and how our world has been over the last couple of years that that connection is really, really important and to see somebody's body language change, and give them the ability to know that they're going to be okay, and that they have an ally on their side that they can call it any time. It's more than just a financial relationship. It's these are, like I said, we have to deal with each other for 25 years. And I gotta, I want to be the first person that you call when you went on a scratch ticket. And I want to be the first person that you call when you buy a new vehicle, or you're thinking about buying a new vehicle. These are all great, wonderful things that you have to look forward to in the future. And how can I make sure you have a really solid financial plan so you can get towards those goals. And I live vicariously through you like, awesome, you bought that brand new car, you know what I mean? You have a grown what you thought of for yourself. So it really comes down to a lot of inspiration, right? It's healing for me, and if I could do anything in this world is to inspire others to know that you can grow out of this and you can bloom Absolutely. And be happy in your future. This is just one piece of that. But really the feelings that stem through our finances, our through our entire lives, once you start to clean this stuff up, then you're able to work on other pieces of your life. And it often ends up that we talk about, you know, situations with family, and I'm happy to share my situations. And it like I said, it's it's camaraderie, it's its vulnerability. And it's you shouldn't be afraid to share those things. I think, look, how far we've come is as a great thing that we can say together. And how can we succeed going forward?
Deena Kordt 22:18
What I love about what you just shared Miranda, and it's exactly what I was going to do to sum it up and finished here today is the fact that we and you and I've talked about this, that we have worked our way to a place in our lives, that now we are more comfortable sharing our experiences, because we see how much it can help. And we remember how much hearing others share helped us, but it's not instant. So people who are in that spot, and they see us we feel you know, we're confident we're now talking about some of the darker times in our lives and how we've healed and and here we are now and we don't want others to feel that they are going to experience that instantly. That because we connect with them at that level and can understand some of what they're feeling doesn't mean that it's going to just be a quick fix necessarily for them. But we do want them to understand that they may get to a point as well that they've healed enough that now they feel very compelled and obligated in a way really, to share that. And I think the lightbulb has gone off for both of us when we hit that moment and went you know what, I never wanted to think about that I wanted to put it behind me, I just wanted to get past it move on and build a new life away from that. And then we reached a point where we're like, wait a minute, this could help people, this could be a superpower. And I think that's what you're offering. And there's there's many, many out the other professionals out there in all different fields that are doing what we're doing, and offering that vulnerability in that that care to support people. And so I encourage those who are looking for help, don't be ashamed to share that you've had some struggles that you don't think others would understand. Because you just you might be very surprised to learn of how how common it is and that there are others who are what we would say trauma informed through life experiences, who can help connect and if they understand if you are willing to be open and vulnerable about that and let them know that this is what you're coming from. They can really help you to manage some of those feelings and help you manage it in a different way than just you know, here's the facts, you know, how can we do this, but it's with some more sensitivity around that.
Miranda Solomon 24:58
Absolutely, absolutely. I think when we get to this, this level, and again, it may appear like it's, oh, this level that's so much higher and so much different. You know what, there's not a really big huge difference from who I was as that housewife that was, you know, so scared. And really, I think in healing, you get to the point where you recognize that what you've been through is not something shameful. Yes, you may have been a victim, while we say the warrior, and all of that kind of thing. But when you come out of this, you recognize that you can maybe almost be appreciative to it, because it was a catalyst to get you where you are right now. You are stronger than most. And that thought that you have absolutely survived everything life has thrown at you to this point. Yeah, you've been knocked down and all you've learned and all these types of things, why would we be embarrassed of those things. They're, you know, hashtag out of the normal, but they are experiences that shape us, and often in a really positive way. We are more in tune with our emotions, we're more able to connect with others. We're more empathetic, sympathetic, all of these types of things, which as I said, was that superpower, I can connect with people on in that way, because I've been there and I get it, but also giving them the license to put a lot of that down and to let it go. And it's, it's a, it's a beautiful thing that I get to do. I love it so much.
Deena Kordt 26:30
Well, thank you, Miranda, thank you for sharing that. Thank you for your time today. And as most especially thank you for being someone out there who supports people in this way. And we will include all of Miranda's contact information. And be sure and watch for her story, her personal story in the action, it's going to be in the hope and Health Series. Miranda, I think I mentioned that earlier that it was divorce diaries, but it's gonna be a Openhouse series, because she definitely is going to share voice of hope. So thank you very much, Miranda.
Miranda Solomon 27:04
Thank you.
Deena Kordt 27:06
Hopefully you heard something today that helps you wherever you might be in life. Do you have questions or a suggestion for a topic you want to know more about? Let me know. Check the show notes for all the contact information. Follow this podcast and find us on social. Know anyone who might find this information helpful. Be a friend and share it. And hey, thank you for hanging out with me today. Keep smiling up beautiful smile. The world needs your sunshine.
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