Handling the Holidays with Care: A Conversation with Louise Rellis
The holiday season is often wrapped in images of cozy gatherings, joyful reunions, and storybook moments, but for many families, this time of year brings strain, uncertainty, and emotional landmines.
Divorce, separation, trauma, strained relationships, and complicated family dynamics can leave kids and parents feeling anything but festive.
To explore how families can navigate the holidays with compassion and clarity, I sat down with Trauma-Integrated Practitioner, Louise Rellis from Anam Rural Youth and Mount Leinster Consulting. With extensive experience supporting youth in crisis and families working through trauma, she offers practical insight into what kids (and parents) truly need during this season, and how caregivers and supporters can show up in meaningful, respectful ways.
Different Experiences, Different Realities
Louise begins by grounding us in a simple truth:
Not everyone experiences Christmas the same way.
For many youth she works with, the holidays aren’t comforting, they’re triggering. “The message of Christmas is family unity and warmth,” she explains, “but for some, family isn’t the safest place. It can be tense, divided, or unpredictable.”
Kids of divorced or separated parents may feel torn between homes, unsure where they want to be, or pressured to hide how they actually feel. Louise emphasizes the importance of removing judgment and offering kindness first:
“If someone doesn’t want to be around certain family members, there’s usually a long history behind that. Honouring that is crucial.”
Honouring Kids’ Feelings and Their Limits
Children often internalize far more than adults realize. Their brains are still developing emotional reasoning up until their mid-20s, and Louise sees this show up in her work daily.
Kids may feel:
guilty for enjoying one parent’s home
afraid to talk about one household in the other
responsible for protecting adults’ feelings
pressure to “be okay” even when they aren’t
Louise recommends open, gentle conversations ahead of the holidays:
Check in about their comfort level.
Talk through new routines if this is the first Christmas after a separation.
Validate their feelings, even the messy ones.
Most importantly, she says:
“Let them know they’re allowed to be honest, and that honesty won’t get them in trouble.”
Rethinking the “Go Hug So-and-So” Tradition
One tradition Louise & I hope families reconsider?
Pushing children to hug relatives.
She explains that forcing physical affection teaches a harmful message:
“My discomfort doesn’t matter; I have to do what makes someone else happy.”
Every child has a different comfort level with touch, and that autonomy deserves respect. Offering the choice to hug, shake hands, wave, or decline altogether empowers kids to recognize and honour their own boundaries.
Preparing kids in advance can also help:
Let them know that Aunt So-and-So or Grandpa might want a hug. Ask what they’d prefer to do. If they’d rather avoid a hug altogether, help them plan a polite alternative.
And yes, this applies to us parents too. Louise encourages modeling what healthy boundaries look like, even with our own children:
“If I’m overstimulated and need space, it’s not about them, it’s about my capacity in that moment.”
Supporting Kids Through Divided Holidays
For families navigating two homes, Louise highlights the importance of communication and collaboration:
Talk through what each parent hopes for the holiday.
Involve kids in planning, but don’t expect them to carry the emotional load.
Limit visiting time in environments that become tense or overstimulating.
Create a plan that lets everyone feel heard, validated, and respected.
Holiday flexibility is key. Creativity, compromise, and compassion will go farther than rigid expectations ever could.
Protecting Your Peace - At Any Age
As adults, we’re not immune to being overwhelmed during the holidays. Louise reminds us that it’s okay - essential, even, to:
decline invitations
shorten visits
protect your boundaries
steer away from intrusive or insensitive questions
choose rest over tradition
“You’re worth being comfortable,” she says. “You don’t need to make yourself uncomfortable just so someone else can feel at ease.”
Ask for Help and Let Others Step In
This season can place enormous pressure on parents, especially those navigating single parenthood, tight finances, or emotional exhaustion. Louise’s message is clear:
You were never meant to do all of this alone.
She encourages reaching out for specific supports, whether that’s:
asking someone to drive a child to sports
teaming up on baking
sharing decorating tasks with the kids
dividing responsibilities based on each person’s strengths
Most people truly want to help, they just don’t know how. Offering concrete suggestions gives them a way to show up meaningfully.
Lightening the Load & Sharing the Magic
Kids love the magic of the holidays… but not the pressure or behind-the-scenes work. Louise encourages families to share responsibilities rather than carrying it all themselves.
Ask:
What would you like the holidays to look like this year?
How can we make that happen together?
What can each person help with?
From simple tasks to full-on cookie-baking marathons, involving kids teaches autonomy, teamwork, and the idea that holiday magic is a family effort, not a one-person show.
A Final Word from Louise
Louise leaves us with a grounding reminder:
“Everyone needs help at some point. You’re not alone, and you’re worth the support you need.”
Whether you’re parenting through transition, supporting a friend in crisis, or simply navigating a holiday season that doesn’t match the greeting-card version, there are healthier, gentler ways forward.
With compassion, boundaries, creativity, and open conversations, especially with our kids, we can all make the holidays more supportive, more human, and more manageable.
Louise Rellis, Anam Rural Youth
Trauma-Integrated Practitioner | Community & Workplace Traumatologist | Polyvagal Therapy Practitioner | Applied Metapsychology Facilitator | Youth Support Foundation in Child Psychology
📍 Phone: 403.318.7690
✉️ Email: louise@anamruralyouth.com
🔗 Website: anamruralyouth.com
Meet the Author - Louise Rellis
Louise’s vision is to empower youth and young adults to recognize their full potential.
Her mission for Anam Rural Youth is to engage with marginalized & at-risk youth and young adults in building capacity for them to break negative cycles and behaviours fostering their ability to recognize their worth.
Anam (On-um) Rural Youth Association provides a mobile, trauma-integrated, crisis intervention, psychological first aid approach support service to marginalized and at-risk youth and young adults, aged 13-25, in the rural communities of Central Alberta.
Our distinctiveness lies in our unwavering commitment to delivering crucial services through a mobile platform. We travel to our clients, providing an informal, casual, person-centered approach that ensures accessibility for individuals who may not find traditional settings effective.
As part of our person-centered approach, we accompany our clients for a meal during our meetings, removing barriers to accessing support and eliminating additional stressors.
We are committed to removing barriers to accessing mental health support.
Our unique model makes a lasting impact on the mental health landscape for our youth and young adults.
Note: The author, compiler and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party due to these words coming from the author’s own opinion based on their experiences. This account is based on the author’s own personal experience. We assume no responsibility for errors or omissions in these articles.
