People deciding to stay or leave a relationship are in the midst of a roller coaster of emotions, from anger and resentment to feeling sad and alone, or dis-connected and powerless.  

Emotions are the biggest hurdle to overcome in relationship issues.

You may be saying, “What did I do wrong?”  

When you think of it, “Where did you learn to be in a relationship?”

Your answer may be that you learned by observing your parents, other family members or friends. Little do you know that as a child, what you absorbed would affect how you are in relationships in your adult life.

During her synergy session, a client remembered her parents arguing a lot when she was a little girl. Feeling unsafe and fearful of one of her parents getting hurt, she would try to make them stop, by acting out or crying.  As their actions kept repeating through the years,  she blamed herself for her parent’s unhappiness. This memory awareness was pivotal for her at this time in her life to create tools to change her emotional responses in her present relationships with her spouse and parents.

You may be in shock and saying, “I didn’t see this coming.”

Human beings are very habitual and often don’t see things coming.   

You learn by constant repetition or by impact. Unfortunately, it is often impact that awakens you.

If that impact has occurred, it is so easy to blame each other and you want to make him or her pay! Perhaps the two of you  got  settled into a comfort zone in your marriage and unconsciously continued in your everyday life. Then one day a lightbulb went off in your partner, saying there is something missing.  Maybe, there were some hints along the way but in the busyness of life, they were ignored.

You might be saying, “I feel so alone.”

Many divorcees do feel very alone.

As a couple you had mutual friends and family that you used to socialize with.

When your relationship changes, so does the connection with them. Some friends will just drop by the wayside, largely because they don’t want to get caught in the middle and don’t want to take sides. Some friends will take sides and it may not be yours.

Your parents will be trying to figure out their roles in supporting you. And your children are confused about whose side am I to take?

You may be thinking, “I can’t make any decisions.”

Recognize that a roller coaster of emotions is happening inside you. And you are dealing with a life-changing decision. You are actually emotionally grieving and it is not a suitable time to make major decisions.    

This is a time to seek support to help you get over this hurdle. You need to be heard and seen in a safe environment.

Let me help you get off that roller coaster so that you can feel empowered and create a new life for you.

Joan Small, CRS, Synergy for Health
Certified Synergy Practitioner