Why Survival Mode isn’t the Enemy: How Women Can Finally Break Free From it After Divorce
By Nicki Laberge
Survival mode isn’t the enemy, it’s the reason you’re still standing. But staying there? That’s where we get into trouble. Let me explain.
Survival mode is our bodies way of reacting to what it interprets as a threat, which in modern society is most often stress. Survival mode is the body’s way of preparing for action, to keep us alive, and that’s why it is necessary. But what happens to many of us now is the threat isn’t us being chased and our body reacting with enough adrenaline to outrun whatever is trying to eat us, the threat is prolonged stress. Especially after a divorce. Which I’ll come back to.
Using the example of being chased, once we outrun the threat, our body recognizes the threat is no longer present and regulates itself. It has completed the loop of hormones and our body’s reaction to the threat and returns to normal. The loop has been closed.
In today’s world, where the threat is stress, the loop doesn’t get closed. Our body stays in survival mode. And long term, this is very bad for us, physically and emotionally.
Back to divorce. Divorce is an extremely stressful time, everything in our lives change, from where we live to how often we see our kids (if we have them). Divorce is the threat the puts us in survival mode and then because divorce often takes years, we end up staying in survival mode for a long time. Which can lead to us getting “stuck” there and living from a place of dysregulation.
I remember when I went through my divorce and first learned about all of this. I thought it meant I had failed somehow, why was I stuck in survival mode if the threat was now gone? Why hadn’t that “loop” just closed on its own once everything was done?
The answer? It’s just not how the body works. When we have been in survival mode for a long period of time, our body begins to think it’s normal. It begins to be able to function from it. Notice I said function, not thrive? That’s because when we are in survival mode, we are simply surviving, going through the necessary functions to get through our day and then doing it all again tomorrow. This is not living; it is strictly surviving.
So how do you get back to living? How do you learn to thrive after divorce?
The answer to thriving after divorce lies in addressing the root of what’s keeping you stuck in survival mode. This is where my 5-phase process begins—with Root Cause Therapy as the foundation.
📌 This article was originally published in Life Changes & Divorce Magazine Canada – Fall Issue 2025
🔗 Read the full issue here
Nicki Pike
Trauma-informed coach and certified Root Cause Therapy practitioner
Healing You First Coaching
nicki@healingyoufirstcoaching.com
www.healingyoufirstcoaching.com
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Meet the Author - Nicki Laberge
Nicki Laberge is a trauma-informed coach and certified Root Cause Therapy practitioner dedicated to empowering women through her platform, Healing You First Coaching. Drawing from her personal experience with divorce, Nicki offers one-on-one coaching, group sessions, and workshops designed to help women navigate the emotional challenges of divorce. Her approach focuses on building emotional resilience, uncovering and releasing limiting beliefs, and guiding clients toward a confident, vibrant life.
Note: The author, compiler and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party due to these words coming from the author’s own opinion based on their experiences. This account is based on the author’s own personal experience. We assume no responsibility for errors or omissions in these articles.
