#80 Hope in Hell Series: Her Nation
With Sabrina Victoria
My special guest today is Sabrina Victoria, speaker, entrepreneur and author, shares an empowering message of victory over violence.
From a struggling single mom, to escaping a 13 year narcissistic abusive relationship, Sabrina’s tenacity and optimistic spirit has inspired fans worldwide and helped endless amounts of people break through and discover their own untapped talents and immense potential. Now, creator and CEO of Her Nation and host of Her Talk Show. Sabrina is dedicated to giving people the tools they need to RISE and human better.
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For more information, you can find Sabrina online:
Website: SabrinaVictoria.com
and HumanBetter365
Facebook: Sabrina Victoria
Instagram: SabrinaVictoriaTV
LinkedIn: Sabrina Victoria
YouTube: HerTalkShow
Twitter: Sabrina Victoria
TikTok: SabrinaVictoriaTV
Sabrina's Facebook Communities:
Her Nation
Sober Society
Watch the video of this interview on our YouTube channel.
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If you are experiencing abuse, or want to support someone who is, there are many resources available for you.
Find help:
The Today Centre (Edmonton)
Women on Wings (Calgary)
Women's Shelters (Alberta)
Women's Shelters (Canada)
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Get your copy of the FREE eBook "YOU are the CHANGE".
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Transcript:
Deena Kordt 0:05
Welcome to Life Changes Channel. I'm Deena Kordt. I am the host of Life Changes Channel podcast, as well as the publisher of Divorce Magazine Canada, and Life Changes Magazine. I welcome you to check our website as well, because you will find tons of resources, a blog, all the podcasts and events. Every two weeks we meet at divorce resource meetings online, they're free. And you can jump in there, meet some of our experts ask questions, we'll help you find the resources you need for wherever you might be stuck in a divorce or your separation or some other major life change. There are many resource links available, also available. And yeah, beyond that, you can check our YouTube channel, all the podcast interviews are there as videos, which you might want to check out because some people share their slideshow presentations or there's visuals or you might just want to be able to see the person and and meet them and get to know them. Make sure to check out these events every two weeks because it's an opportunity to ask your questions and meet people in person as well. Virtually but live, they're there to talk to you.
Now today's special guest that I am here to connect you with and so excited about truly honored. Sabrina Victoria is a lady with a very interesting story that has led her to where she is now. She's created a phenomenal community supporting and encouraging and helping women heal and thrive. I was honored to be on her podcast as well, I will share that link in the show notes. You can hear our conversation. And now she is on my show to share her story and tell us more about herself and the community she's created. This is so encouraging, but you will also maybe resonate or relate to part of her story in some way. And just don't feel alone. Don't give up. She has so much beautiful energy to bring that will really lift you. So instead of me just talking on and on about her. Let's go meet her
Sabrina Victoria 2:31
Hello, I'm Sabrina, welcome to Life Changes channel.
Deena Kordt 2:34
Oh, Sabrina, this is something I've been looking forward to because you are a force you are a such an incredible example of what is possible for for women for people in general. But you know you you have quite an interesting story. And I'm so excited to introduce you to the audience so that they can find the encouragement that they might need for wherever they are and just to see, know what you've done. Now I'm going to I'm going to start this by congratulating you for having just done a TED talk. Yes, tell us and tell us more. Who are you Sabrina?
Speaker 1 3:20
Super proud of myself? I'm Sabrina Victoria. I run a community now called "Her Nation" all about empowering women in the world of health, wealth and leadership. A little bit about me.
Deena Kordt 3:35
Sure, please. Yes.
Sabrina Victoria 3:37
So I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. At the age of 20 years old, I got pregnant and I was not married. So because of that sin, I was cast out abandoned by my entire community everyone I had ever known including my mother my father and my brother my sister. And I led the stereotypical single mom just broke life of literally no money like the kind of broke where you're digging in the couch cushions for 25 cents to put gas in the car because you have no gas and no money in your bank account like that type of growth. And I barely making it I mean eviction notices on my apartment door every other month car getting report on the parking lot crying in the bathroom every single night wanting to make suicide you know dealing with postpartum so all kinds of crazy thoughts about my baby happening but not knowing what postpartum was so just feeling like the worst mother on the planet. And about a year or so year and a half. I met a man and that man had money. So I thought it was given to me by God because I had been praying for like financial support. Please help me I'm drowning. And because I thought it was given to me by God I ignored all of the red flags. And there was a light red flags
Deena Kordt 5:04
I think what's important for people to realize is that there is a lot of programming that happens in religious communities and it doesn't have to be, you know, as I'm gonna use the word called cultish as, as a Jehovah's Witness or some other types of organizations where literally you were, you were cast out of that community. And it's, it's kind of a closed, a closed community, and you don't necessarily know what's out there for help and support otherwise. And, you know, that's where I can relate because having been brought up in a very strict religious community and could say it was different. It was a Protestant, religious family, but also some some social isolation as well. And, you know, I think the era the generation it was as well, I really felt locked into that marriage just and I was ignoring red flags. I also thought there had been signs that God had sent this person to me. So what happened? What were these red flags? And and what's the rest of the story?
Speaker 1 6:11
Yeah, you know, a lot of people asked, you know, when did you see the red flags, literally day one. Like, on day one, I was like, This is not like a good person. But I was just so desperate. I was so like, dark, I was a sinner. I was dark, I was worthless. Again, this person was paying attention to me. And he was taking me to dinner and he was taking me to the movies. And my life consisted of baby and beans and rice. Because I had no money. You know, I was eating beans and rice every single day sometimes. Oscar Meyer hotdogs, you know, when I was gonna splurge, but every single day, I mean, it was the same it was just dreadful. barely making it and then I have this person who just pops into my life who's taken me to places and you know, little dates here and there.
Sabrina Victoria 7:10
Anyways, so yeah, he, within a year, he convinced me to leave my place. He presented these as gifts, you know, you can't afford your place anyways, move in with me. And I was like, Oh, really? move in with him. Then he's like, your job sucks. Anyways, come work for me. We'll build an empire together on like, and then, you know, few months in, he's not paying me. Pay me nothing. Zero. I'm working 14 to 16 hours a day, we're building an empire together. He basically made it to all my money, all my credit cards, everything was maxed out. He was waiting for me to know this. Now. I didn't know this. Then I was like, Oh, he just forgot or he's busy or whatever. Finally sit down. He's like, I'll pay you $250 A week. But he's like, You don't have to pay rent. And you don't have to pay for utilities. So that should cover it. But that didn't cover it right? So car car insurance, daycare food, toiletries, all the same, right? So I'm still the same broke it's the same bro it's no different. But now I'm maxed out on all my credit cards because I waited to the least until to bother him right because I'm codependence you know, I don't want to be a burden on anybody. So I was my credit score was down like 500 You know, because I just let it get horrible with barely paying my credit card. So to get back on my feet I'm still broke. So I went to him still couldn't pay my bills. I'm like, I still don't know my phone bill is about to get turned off. He's like Whoa, don't worry about it. Close down your phone bill. You come onto my phone bill, right another gift.
Anyways, long story short, this kept out my car, phone, computer everything. And I turned around. I have nothing and I owe nothing. Nothing to my name. He controls everything. So anytime I don't want to do anything. Anytime I get a little little like just like any person have an opinion. My phone is taken away. My car is taken away. My keys are hidden. It's like a real life prison basically turned into a real life prison. He would just stop paying me. So I'm making zero but still having to work and mental emotional sexual as he got more control. The abuse got worse and worse and worse and worse. And so eight years and I'm on the floor in the bathroom, in the dark having a total mental breakdown one day just bawling my eyes out like the camera you're crying and screaming at the same time like just so verbal.
Okay, and that wasn't the only time I had done that I had done that plenty of times but this time specifically I will never forget I'm on the floor literally crawled up in the fetal position crying and screaming he's in the house. Just like watching TV or something just being you doesn't give a crap. Right? I took out my phone from my back pocket of my pants and bright screen in my face and I can barely see and I Google, why is my boyfriend bullying me? Because I didn't know any other vernacular other than the word bully. I didn't know about domestic violence. I didn't know I wasn't being hit. I didn't know about abuse. I didn't know and just excuse me mean he's being a bully. And this whole world of narcissism codependency empathy just hit me right in the face. And I was like, why? And I walked down this whole rabbit hole of like, holy shit, this is my life, like, exactly written down. Verbatim I like. And so literally within two minutes of reading some stuff, just like literally just reading the like subtitles. I wasn't even like started digging into things yet. I sat up in the bathroom, I dried my tears, and did like a complete one ad. in like two minutes. I took my power back.
Within a couple of weeks, I opened up a secret bank account, I slowly started three online businesses. And over the course of a couple of years, I collected $50,000 Secretly, and I just ran away one day took my son or closed on my bicycle, I left my bougie house in Boca Raton, I left my big brand new, fully loaded BMW, my back computer, I brand new iPhone, I left everything. I took my son my clothes on my bicycle, that's it. And I started all over again with a mattress on the floor. And I've been building businesses ever since. And I have been helping women find their voice and power ever since.
Deena Kordt 11:58
It's phenomenal. You know, that is a mission that I have a passion I have is to bring those voices. Because people like you need to find that encouragement and get their power back. know they aren't alone know that this is abuse know that they aren't just going crazy. And there's something worthless about them. Incredible. Just yeah. You know, and to have that power switch, I've experienced that power switch. And it's, it's an indescribable, really, you know, you can until you've experienced it yourself, it's very hard to put into words, but it's so powerful to propel you forward to give you a reason to even want to live. And I think, you know, sadly, so many women are trapped and don't have access to that. So the more voices, the more formats and more platforms that we can offer this, you know, you think, oh, people must know, people must understand what abuse is they don't. And there's such a stigma around talking about it, that if there is a hint of it, people will feel uncomfortable and want to look the other way. Yeah.
Sabrina Victoria 13:12
Yeah. And it is comfortable. And it's uncomfortable for us. Also, while it's happening, it's not, we don't want to be talking about it. We don't want to know her and and you don't want to, but like more confused.
Deena Kordt 13:27
And even when you're out of it, I just wanted to left behind. I did not want to think about it anymore. I thought I had just, you know, bounced out of a 30 plus year relationship that I hadn't been scaped. And well, surprise, surprise, there's layers and layers and layers of conditioning, and hurt and wounds that you keep discovering. And what I came to the conclusion is I'm I felt compelled and obliged to speak about it. So that is why I came out of it. That's why you came out of because people spoke up and talked about it and, and shared and that is one of the most powerful ways to help save, I guess, you know, help others to escape, and then get out of it and then have hope to lead a life that is better and isn't so painful and confusing. And, you know, just it destroys you. Now, I'm curious when you say the first day, you notice red flags. And that wasn't just being taken on dates because that's a normal relationship. But is the word normal? That's, that's not a red flag. What would you say is what have been some red flags people can watch for that you noticed
Sabrina Victoria 14:52
the ones that were used very early on with me were two main ones. extreme, extreme jealousy. Like, within the first few days of me just speaking to the male waiter, like ordering, and maybe like smiling or seeing an extra Thank you. Just like cordial got me the silent treatment at dinner, where like, everything was fine, everything was fine ordered, came back to the conversation. And he wouldn't talk. And it's awkward and we're still getting to know each other. It's like, he went did it for probably about five minutes. And I was like, is everything okay? Like, what did I do? And he's like, Would you rather be hanging out with the waiter? And it's like so you know what I mean? Like, so just read. And then the whole night is just like, just has this weird vibe, just like this weirdness. Um, so that was one that happened all the time, I stopped talking to anyone who was a male. Anybody that was that was not inside work, right? We work together. So obviously, I worked in a male dominated industry.
So most of the people that worked for him were male, but outside of the office, I wanted you to look at a guy. one and then two. Any time I had alternative plants, okay, I'm gonna go hang out with Sally. All of a sudden, that was the day that he had just something extraordinary planned. Like, Oh, that's too bad. I was gonna go take you to a comedy club. I was gonna go see if there was tickets to some concert. Last minute I heard about like, all of a sudden. So then I'm choosing between my friend or doing this really fun thing, which the really fun thing sounds really fun, right? So I ended up dropping my plans with my friends, which then that's what creates the isolation. Then anytime once I started to recognize I was like, this is frickin weird, because I'm smart, right? Like, we're smart. So then I would recognize and I would start to be like, he's going to do something. And I would know, and I'd be like, No, I'm gonna go ahead and hang out with Sally. And then it would be, you know, 17 phone calls all night of emergencies. real emergencies, like, oh, my gosh, I can't find this form. And if we don't get this, entered by midnight tonight, then like, we're gonna lose 1000s of dollars I need. And I'd have to, like, leave the restaurant and find it and, and like, I don't even know what he's talking about like this is I took care of all the back end. And I'd be so confused. Like, I take care of everything.
Like what he's like, this is something that you don't even understand you don't get it because you're so dumb. Like, you never went to college. So you don't understand how important this is. insane stuff, and I go back 17 phone calls. So then, if I did go out for trouble. And then if I didn't go out, like if I do go with Sally horrible and then if I didn't go with Sally, then I'm losing my relationship with Sally. Right? And that's the isolation, right? That keeps you from talking to people while you're with them. And then they keep you from talking to people in general. And that's how you end up just sitting at home alone. With them controlling waiting, yeah, waiting on them hand & foot. Because it's too much like drama. To be interacting with other people. You'd rather just you don't have to have the energy like, do you want to fight every single day? No, too much drama. She just sit tight. And then you wind up being their slave, you know, their little servant
Deena Kordt 19:19
on that, crazy making or whatever, you know, there's so many different angles that are used, and there's words to describe them all. But it's, it's hard to describe if you haven't experienced it, because I think you did a beautiful job of that. You are kept off balance. You're kept confused. And because we are rational, and we're being faced with very irrational situations where our mind is so caught up and we spend so much energy, trying to understand trying to rationalize something that cannot be rationalized. Can't If we can't sort it out, what did I do? Or how could that be? And you're sure that you're the one that's wrong. And continually questioning your perceptions and your reality. And it just keeps you off base and keeps you off balance. And then they throw more.
And then all of a sudden, there's this love bombing, where they'll take you to some concert that they know you like to see or whatever it might be. And you live for those tiny little positive reinforcements thinking, Oh, yes, you know, we're probably all not only Empath, but eternal optimist. And, you know, I'm describing myself, but I sounds like you are. Yeah. So we keep thinking, trying, you know, there's a reason I'm with this person, I must be good. They've done these things. And we, those little shreds of evidence we just hang on to and hope for andn it keeps us keeps us there and keeps us trying. And there's a lot of there's there's shame involved to think that you're stuck there. But you're it's it would, you're convinced it would be worse to leave because you've made that choice. Nobody's going to believe you. And like you said, the way you locked from the outside set up with, you know, the house, you were in the car, you drove the life that looked like you were living. People don't want to believe that it looks like it's successful and happy. You're spoiled and well cared for. Yeah. Yeah.
Sabrina Victoria 21:30
Yeah, the way that I always explain it is, you know, I lived in a fancy house, and I drove a fancy car. And I had a great big smile on my face. But it was a totally fake smile. I mean, it wasn't real. You know, there was just so much abuse happening, but you don't talk about it, you know. And those little itty bitty flags in the beginning, are also a lot of times misconstrued the love, right? Like, I love you so much. I don't want you to talk to anybody else. I love you so much that I don't want you hanging out with anybody else. I want you just hanging out with me, because I just love you. And I want to be around you all the time. I'm so sorry. You know, that's the way they kind of like, twist it. So then you're over here, like, oh, my gosh, I have this guy that wants to just hang out with me just all the time. And you don't realize that it's putting a strain on every other person in your world, and it closes you off, or you can't ask for help you have no one determined to.
Deena Kordt 22:34
And then it starts to become scary. And you think well, I shouldn't be I shouldn't be afraid to be with this person. This is my closest relationship. Yeah. But then it does become scary. Yeah. It's
Sabrina Victoria 22:47
all very confusing, which is why they call it you know, invisible abuse. It is it's invisible. You know, it's not bruises and cuts. It's mental and emotional turmoil. That is, you know, ongoing every single day in little tiny itty bitty things. You know, that make you literally want to jump off a building and sometimes so confusing.
Deena Kordt 23:15
Like what you said, where you compared to those cases where there is physical violence, and many of us stay trapped, because we think that's the only form of abuse. Yeah. And it's not. Yeah,
Sabrina Victoria 23:32
it's hard to describe, like, I remember telling stories sometimes. And while I'm, while I'm telling the story in my head, I'm like, This just sounds dumb. And like, catty, you know, because I'm like, he said this, and then I did this. And he said that and then, but they don't get like the micro expressions, they don't get the tone, they don't get the threat of like my lively neighborhood. It's you, it just sounds dramatic. It's up. It's like, I'm a drama queen. And I'm just like, you know, exaggerating things. So even just to retell the story, after a bit, I just didn't even want to talk about it, because it just sounds so extra. You know,
Deena Kordt 24:26
I love that you made that point. Because that, that verbalizes something that I have felt so many times, especially as I try and gather and share these stories. And you hear people try and describe it and it's so true unless you've lived it and experienced it. It does just sound like this. If you try and describe all those little pieces. They don't they don't sound as bad or as insidious as they are. But you start stacking those you start being in that environment where you're on eggshells. You're questioning how did they mean that? Because is that going to be a landmine at some point? Is that going to trigger them? You're constantly watching. Pardon me for, for those for those, those little innuendos and and it's hard to describe because a one off doesn't really fully show the impact that it has on you when that happens. And I'll have triggers like the phrase just so you know, I heard that one day, you know, years old. And I was like, oh, man, and that was a trigger for me, because that was a way that was a phrase that was used like, well, just so you know, and then they would say they're, like, twist the reality. And what,
Sabrina Victoria 25:53
I totally get that wow, yes. I mean, that was, those words aren't triggering for me. But I totally get that just like a phrase. That could years later, right? Yeah.
Deena Kordt 26:07
And I've been zero contact, it didn't even come from that source. But to hear it from someone else. And it just, it really hit me and I realized, Ooh, there's there's some stuff that I'm still healing and dealing with. And we always will. As we, as we grow, this will impact us, but to, to speak about it helps. It does help take the power away from the abuser and helps us become victors. And I want to hear more about what you're doing now to empower people. You have quite a bit going on. It's just so impressive.
Sabrina Victoria 26:45
Yeah, definitely. I you know, I've worked really hard to get to where I am right now I wanted to, I didn't want, I told myself when I was creating this plan, that I didn't want all of the heartache to be for nothing. You know, it's kind of like what we were just talking about with like, all the stories that seem insignificant, the one offs, right, all the one off stories. They're like my stories, and they were super traumatic for me. Like I remember, crying, I remember in the shower, just bawling and just wanting to die wanting to drive off bridges when I'm going over that, like I remember. And even though I can't convey the story, to necessarily get somebody to feel what that was, I owe it to myself. And I owe it to the community that is still dealing with it, to see if I can rise above.
So when I was stacking cash to leave, I made like a promise to myself that when I get out what if I get out? I was always playing with those words. I would do my damnedest to rise to a level of victory, whatever that is, and I'm not done yet. I have just begun to see, right, because I always say I was saved by white old men. I was not saved by women. I was saved by white old men. And the reason why is because when I would Google inspirational stories or motivational stories, the last few years I was with him in order to like, gain like strength, right? Because I'm getting beat down every single day mentally and emotionally. I had to show up as a trophy wife, I had to show up as an amazing mother to my son, so that he wasn't traumatized for the rest of his life.
I was running a full business, six offices over four different states that is show up and make money for us. So for our empire, like I was doing so much I needed motivation. So I would Google inspirational stories, motivational stories, and I put it in my ear, so he didn't know. And Google would give me white old men, Tony Robbins, Joel Osteen, Les Brown, who's African American, but motivation, man, right? And these men would tell me, you're worthy. You can do anything. Everything is possible. You can do the impossible. And I believed that and because I believed them. I did the things that they told me to do, and I am where I am because of that. And we need more women who can connect to the story to say those same things aims because even though I had nothing in common with those men, zero, these are wealthy men who had made it telling me this little trashy single mom Mexican, that I can do it, there was a disconnect there of like, who am I to think?
As a sinner, dark, uneducated, single mom, who has no money in her account, by the way, is gonna ever get to a platform of anything like the audacity. Right? But I just kept thinking like, what if, though, but like, what if? What if I could? What if I could, and if I do, then I have to be the spokesperson to pull other women out. And so that's what I do. Like I tell my story, I tell every aspect of my story, anything that anybody wants to know, or wants to hear. So that it can connect, right? They can say, Hey, listen, her story is much like my story in this aspect. Therefore, because she did it, I can do it. Right? Just I had suicidal thoughts. Now I don't, I wanted to drink and get wasted every single night, I've been sober 17 years, I wanted to murder my baby, my son is 19 years old, we have the best relationship on the planet. Like it's possible. It's possible. But in order to like, get to where I am, it's hard work. Every single day, I'm working at it every single day, I'm changing, I'm reframing. I'm pivoting the way that I'm showing up in my head. You know, limiting beliefs come to me to just like anybody else. And I have to switch it. It's a cognitive decision to say I'm going to show up negative or I'm going to show a positive.
And every single day I decide, hey, listen, I decided positive, I decided to take another step up, I decided to step into my power every single day, it's a choice. And it was a choice back then, when I had negative money in my account. And it's a still a choice today when I'm doing very well financially, because you can pivot back and forth, anytime, every day. And that's what I really want individuals to know is like, it's just a mindset change. And it's continuous. It's every second, it's every minute of every hour. But as you continue to do it, it gets easier. Like I wake up like this now and wake up like this. Because I have taught myself over and over and over again, switch, switch, switch. And now I step into power. And I let that be a visual for other women who are down here living out my very similar story to say, Hey, listen, yes. And and if you work really hard, if you make a plan, if you take action, you can't.
Deena Kordt 33:19
My gosh, does everybody else just feel like we just had the most beautiful, empowering, like moment with Sabrina, because that was incredible. And it was so heartfelt. And I I just feel like I can do anything now. You know, I talk about mindset with people as well. I don't necessarily live it every day. And it's a struggle. It is really a struggle. And
I think a lot of it comes from our history where we, we have been beaten down and made to feel worthless and less than worthless. In some cases, it's so that is where that hard work comes in, is to continually recognize and acknowledge the worth that you have, and what you have to give the world and to give yourself to give your family because you have such a beautiful spirit and soul inside that is just if you can just acknowledge it and believe it and I love that that now you know every day you wake up and feel this strength and this power and and it is an ongoing process. It is something that if you consciously make that choice Yeah, I love it.
Sabrina Victoria 34:41
And our stories, our journey, I was just talking to a client about this a couple of days ago that the challenges and the journey that you have been on. If you could imagine yourself as like a sword there sharpening you every single challenge and every single single issue that you're dealing with big or small, they're sharpening your edge. That's what we're all trying to do is we're trying to have an edge so that as we continue to step into new challenges, we can cut through those challenges so much faster. Because our edge is now sharp, because of all of the stories that we've gone through. The issue that a lot of us happen is we go through these things, and we're on our swords are sharp. And then we decide, we decide that we're tired. We decided that we're tired. And we're like, Oh, we've had such a hard life. And we sit in complacency, because we're afraid to like go anywhere, do anything, because like, we might end up in a bad thing again.
So then what happens is our life then gets dull. So then, some time goes by, and another challenge comes up because it's life. And it's impossible to cut through the challenge again, because you didn't step into new you didn't step up. You didn't create anything you did pivot you didn't like, and capitalize, I guess, on the story that you had. So the idea is, the stories is what is keeping a sharp is what's keeping us on is what's keeping us like on point. That's the goodness of it. And until you start seeing it that way, like now, when I see challenges for real when I see challenges, I'm like, Yes, bring it on.
This is another story that I can now add, October 2020. Right, march 2020 pandemic, October 2020, I'm on a walk with my son, and my fiancee on a walk on the sidewalk wearing tennis shoes. I trip off the side. I fall and I break my leg. It just like my foot went from here and fell off. Just broke my leg. I didn't know where. And I could have thought like I have no money. All my clients asked for their money back March 2020. Because everything closed down. I have like, no money like no money coming in literally zero money. I'm trying to pivot my whole company onto virtual everything. Like everybody has a story like this right? Then I break my leg. And I could have sat here and I could have been like, oh my god, no. In my head, I was like, oh my god, this is gonna be so cool.
What a story. What a story to be able to tell somebody, march 2020, my entire business closed down. I'm in the middle of pivoting, I'm calling 1000 miles an hour, I have no idea what I'm doing. It's chaos. In the middle of the chaos. I break my leg. And here I am today. Right? So you can decide you can decide I could tell that same story. And I could be like, yeah, if I wouldn't have broken my leg. I'd be so much further along. But because I broke my leg. I'm here. Right? You could tell that story in any way that you want to. And I choose to say like, can you freakin believe that shit. And now look where I am. Anybody can do that. Anybody can do that. I can tell my same story with my abuse where my abuser stole over a decade of my life. And I could say to myself, I would be so much further along, if I would have left him two years in and would have three kids, I would be living in a fancy house, I would be all these things, right? All the things that I think I could have had. But instead, it's like, thank goodness, I went through all of that, because now I'm in this platform that I never would have been in. If it weren't for him. I would never have found empowering females to share their voices and have a podcast and be in a platform and have been on a TEDx stage sharing my story. If it wasn't for this traumatic event. See, I've decided to turn my stories into victories. And any person on the planet can do that. With divorce, with health, with money, with career with finances, with debt, with disease, you do that with anything.
Deena Kordt 39:50
Incredible. I want to unpack this a little bit Sabrina because when you mentioned that you could take something and just kind of go on such tired or I'm just going to, I just can't push through this challenge, whatever it might be. As we do that, that complacency also makes us more vulnerable to be taken advantage of again, or to fall into something that just isn't aligned or, or, you know, fall back into those that slump of, well, maybe I'm not as smart enough to figure this out or not worthy enough for someone to recognize what I have to offer. So, you know, I didn't get the job I wanted, whatever it might, whatever this kind of wall is that we hit. And I think it makes us, you know, pushing forward in that mindset is a protection mechanism as much as, as a motivational mechanism, right, it protects us as well, from some of you know, what has happened in our past stories, and we don't want to repeat those. That's why we've grown that's why we've moved beyond them. And I actually, I can, I can somewhat relate to, you know, some stories I've had like that were shortly after the divorce. And I was in a very bad motorcycle accident and have some had some significant injuries and, and then my position was eliminated within, you know, the day after I got out of the hospital, and you're just like, Oh, my God, but you can't keep up. It would have been really easy to just, yeah, like, keep going. It's
Sabrina Victoria 41:28
very easy to give up. It is. Yeah, it is. And people love it. When you give up.
Deena Kordt 41:36
People do it gives them permission to do the same.
Sabrina Victoria 41:40
Exactly. And then you all sit around six girls in the living room, drinking Coca Cola and eating some popcorn, talking about your accident, how shitty someone's husband is on lost their job, the other ones the little kid is in rehab. And you just all sit around, talk about your problems. And it's wonderful. And there's there's a need for that. To a degree but not to get stuck there. Not to get stuck. We do need to talk to people. That's how we find out that oh my god, you're that's abuse, or whatever it might be. How are ya? I know what you're saying. And it's always yes. And right. So yes, your your your motor, your motorcycle? Yep. Motorcycle accident, and I listen. And what are you doing now? Exact, that's the part where we're forgetting. Like, when somebody tells me a story, I listen. I'm so sorry. Now what? You have to bring that back into people like, just because something happens doesn't mean that you should start dreaming. Or that identity. Oh, my God, that's horrible.
Deena Kordt 42:55
Now what? And that's so empowering. Because it's easy to be stuck in a victim mode or whatever that might be. And that's your identity, but to, to have someone see that there's potential beyond that within you. And they're curious to have you explore that they're there to give you that space to explore that together. And you're creating that for people in so many different ways. That's really incredible. Yeah, and
Sabrina Victoria 43:29
I feel like most of your audience is probably highly empathetic. So like, we know how to show up for people we know, to be cognizant of storytelling and be there for each other. But we also have to, like hold each other accountable to continuing to reach Yes, we don't want to enable each other. And that's like a power I think that we have as empaths is like we know how to be there for each other that the empowering part is knowing that and being able to be there, but then also the second part of like, we can't allow ourselves to sit in that for for like, till death. Right? There has to be a point where we're like, Okay, girl, like, what are we doing?
Deena Kordt 44:27
We're here for a reason.
Sabrina Victoria 44:29
Where are we going? Yeah, you are given that for reason. Whatever you believe that whether you believe it was given to you or not given to you or it doesn't even it was given to you. So you can decide to do with that or believe whatever you want to believe but it was given to you. You got it like I broke my leg I can decide that was given to me by the universe or by God or it was meant to teach me something however you want to do it, it happens. So like next step is What you can do with it. And now I have way more empathy for people who have broken, I've never broken anything, also. So I didn't have empathy in that area. Not that I would ever be like, Oh, you broke a leg? No baby, I would never do that. But I didn't have any empathy towards, like, real empathy. Now I see people and I'm like, Oh, my God, girl. I've been there. Sucks, you know, like, now I have that level. And I can be there now for those people. And that feels good for me. Because I didn't have that. It's the same with anxiety. I was actually quite low key kind of rude to people with anxiety.
At one point in my life. I was having anxiety didn't know it was anxiety and having no empathy for people with anxiety. I didn't know what it was at the seven total mental breakdowns with my x. Well, I'm like low key hating on people who tell me they're going to the doctor for anxiety attacks. I'm just like, girl get together. Yeah. And then years later, meaning like four years ago, I was so I was talking to somebody in Pakistan, like, Oh my God, I've had anxiety like my whole fucking life. I didn't even know it. When I had to pull over to the side of the road. Because I'm shaking and crying. I couldn't even frickin drive. There was an anxiety attack. I didn't even know. You. So no. Now, I like, here's somebody has a mic there for it. Oh, my gosh. Yes.
Deena Kordt 46:33
Do you find Sabrina that we can very easily tend to be critical of people? Because we don't want to see it in ourselves. We're afraid to see it in ourselves.
Sabrina Victoria 46:46
Could be Yeah, it could be. And then noises
Deena Kordt 46:50
about. And I've heard this about the talk, you know, you talked about your shadow self and how things that really, really irritate you and other people is something you don't like in yourself that you don't realize, is something in you. And that isn't a general rule. But it can be something to explore, like you said that people being anxious like Jesus, like, what is your problem?
Sabrina Victoria 47:15
That's exactly the way I would act? Not necessarily to them. No, pathetic, but like, in my head, you know? Yeah.
Deena Kordt 47:26
Yeah. Tell us more about what you are doing. Now you have a lot going on? How can you know we'll share in the shownotes all the ways people can find you and what you're doing. But let's get them curious about it.
Sabrina Victoria 47:42
Yeah, I run a community called "Her Nation". It's an all female group. And we run a teacher student concept of we're all teachers, and we're all students at the same time. So show up as a teacher in the area, which you are an expert. And then also allow yourself to show up vulnerable in the areas that you're not so a woman and then step in her power and teach you. I run podcasts, events, conferences, all based on women sharing their stories, sharing their thoughts, sharing their ideas. And and then on the back end of that is a mastermind, a networking group, business leader, sales workshops. To help female entrepreneurs predominantly rise in their business. A lot of these female entrepreneurs who run online businesses right now. They're trying to get their stories, or a lot of them are running businesses from their own story. And so to help them do that is a true passionate way.
Deena Kordt 48:36
Incredible, and we will, and I'll include that in the show notes so that people can access that and find out more because what a beautiful gift. Thank you, Sabrina for being here. What would your one piece of parting advice be to anyone that's listening? What's kind of your go to
Sabrina Victoria 48:57
the motto that I've been carrying around with me since I was probably around 26 years old, is the most simplistic thing you could possibly say. And it has brought me so much comfort. And it is a pause and a deep breath. And then everything is going to be okay. Oh, wow.
Deena Kordt 49:25
I love that. Yeah. And really
Sabrina Victoria 49:27
sitting in that, recognizing that you've done hard things. In the past. You're dealing with something hard right now. And everything's gonna be okay.
Deena Kordt 49:39
Thank you, Sabrina.
I hope you found that conversation. insightful, encouraging. And also a reminder to all of us that what we see isn't always as it appears people are going through a lot of things in their lives and we just want that compassion shared to us and that is some thing that we can offer to others without judgment. Instead, be curious and reach out, reach in, figure out a way that you can make someone's day a little better and it might just start with a smile. I thank you very much for spending your time with me here today.
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