The Truth About Restraining Orders: One Survivor's Story
A survivor's journey through Alberta's legal maze reveals uncomfortable truths about protection orders
When someone you care about is being harassed or stalked, the advice seems simple: "Just get a restraining order." But for those navigating intimate partner violence, stalking, or harassment in Alberta, the reality of obtaining legal protection is far more complex, and far less protective, than most people realize.
Recently, I spoke with someone who has been dealing with a situation most people pray they never face: ongoing intimidation, harassment and fear, yet no straightforward path to safety. This person is thoughtful, articulate and self-aware. And like many survivors, they’ve spent years navigating a system that, on paper, promises protection… but in reality, offers a maze of grey areas, delays, and difficult decisions.
I want to share what I learned, not their identity, not their story details, not the specifics of their circumstances, but the truths they uncovered about reporting abuse, seeking legal protection in Alberta, and simply trying to stay safe. Their insights expose a gap in public understanding that leaves survivors feeling alone and unsupported.
“Just report it to the police” … what actually happens
One of the first things they shared was how complicated even the first step can be.
Most people assume that going to the police automatically creates a record.
It doesn’t.
In their case, a detailed, in-person report (names, dates, context) resulted in no police file number. When they called later, they were told there was no record of the visit at all.
I felt that in my chest. Imagine the courage required just to walk into a detachment. And imagine discovering later that, legally, it’s as if you never went.
For many survivors, this means:
· No documented history
· No proof of escalating behaviour
· No foundation for a future protection order
And often, this happens simply because the officer decides the incident “doesn’t meet the threshold.”
In this case, the survivor was told that to qualify for criminal harassment, they’d need to be receiving 100 messages a day*. Most survivors spend months blocking numbers, deleting social media, and removing access points, so they’ll never hit that number.
Survivors often do everything right, blocking numbers, limiting communication, protecting their privacy, but these protective actions can unintentionally weaken their case in the eyes of the system, because they reduce the volume of “evidence” police consider necessary.
Police involvement can help… but it can also backfire
More recently, the survivor did receive a file number; this alone felt like progress. A police officer even agreed the behaviour resembled stalking over several years.
But the next steps left them uneasy.
The officer left a voicemail for the other party saying essentially:
“Leave her alone.”
No follow-up request for a call back.
No confirmation the message was heard.
No clarity on whether this would escalate risk.
A few days later, the survivor encountered the person again, unexpectedly, too close for comfort.
When police get involved, survivors are left guessing:
Did this help?
Did this make it worse?
Or did this do nothing at all?
The paperwork nobody warns you about
When well-meaning friends say “Just go get a restraining order,” I wish they could see what the actual process looks like.
The person I spoke with visited the courthouse expecting a simple next step. Instead, they were handed a 25-page booklet and a stack of forms:
· Statement of Claim
· Detailed affidavits
· Description of the respondent
· Table of exhibits
· Commissioner for Oaths requirements
· A court application package
· Service instructions
Some required brief information; others demanded detailed accounts of experiences; stories they’d spent years trying to survive, forget or compartmentalize. Reliving it isn’t simple. Writing it isn’t simple. Filing it isn’t simple. As someone who has been through both processes, they made a startling comparison: The paperwork for a restraining order can be more extensive than for an uncontested divorce.
In Alberta, there is no filing fee for restraining orders, which removes one financial barrier. However, the complexity and volume of documentation required creates significant non-financial barriers.
The application requires completing forms that must be filed with the Court of King's Bench, sworn before a Commissioner for Oaths, and must include an Affidavit with facts about the situation, including dates, the history and nature of abuse, threats or violence.
Each form, each page, each request for additional documentation creates another barrier. For someone already experiencing trauma, anxiety, and fear, the cognitive and emotional load of completing this paperwork is enormous.
In Alberta, you can apply for a restraining order without notice (ex parte) if the situation is an emergency, but if it is not an emergency or is non-urgent, you are required to give notice to the other party.
· For non-emergency restraining orders, you must serve the other party with your application at least 10 days before the scheduled court date.
· Even for ex parte (emergency) restraining orders, the court will schedule a review hearing within two weeks, and at the review hearing, both parties will attend and be provided the opportunity to tell the court their side of the story.
This means:
Facing your abuser: Even if you obtain an emergency order without them present, within two weeks you must be in the same room as the person who has been harassing, stalking, or threatening you.
Legal representation concerns: The perpetrator can bring a lawyer. If you cannot afford one, you face the court proceeding alone while your abuser may be professionally represented.
Risk of denial: The judge can grant restraining orders for one year typically but can be granted on a longer or even permanent basis if the court finds that is necessary. However, the judge may decide not to grant or renew the restraining order at all. "If the restraining order is not granted, what you don't want to happen is for the respondent to turn around and say, 'You tried to get a restraining order against me and look what the judge said, the judge didn't approve your restraining order, so that just confirms to me that what I'm doing is not so wrong.'” This validation can embolden the perpetrator and escalate the danger.
The Notification Problem
Perhaps most disturbing: When you apply with notice, the perpetrator must be notified of the court date, giving them advance knowledge of when and where you will be. As they pointed out, "They know what day you're going to be there. They know what time you're going to be there."
This creates a significant safety risk for the very person seeking protection.
And none of this guarantees protection.
If granted, the order must be served. That means:
· Paying a process server
· Or asking someone you know to deliver a legal document to the very person you fear
· And hoping the address you have is even current
Then comes the court date, where the respondent has the right to stand before a judge and argue against the order. All while the survivor stands nearby, or hires someone to stand there for them. Either way, the fear remains.
“Why don’t they just leave?” A misunderstanding of danger
Survivors often know something most outsiders don’t:
A protection order can escalate risk.
If the person is served and feels embarrassed, exposed or defied, the danger often spikes. Many abusive individuals become more unpredictable, more fixated, more intrusive.
Survivors learn to calculate their own risk constantly:
· “If I apply, will this provoke him?”
· “If I don’t apply, am I unsafe?”
· “If he finds out before the court date, what happens?”
The legal system rarely acknowledges how much emotional labour and psychic risk this requires.
“A piece of paper doesn’t stop a determined person”
One part of the conversation struck me deeply. The survivor lived near a large public green space. A person could legally sit in their vehicle hundreds of meters away and still monitor their comings and goings, well within the typical 200-meter boundary of many restraining orders.
Legally, that’s not a violation.
Practically, it’s terrifying.
Restraining orders limit proximity on paper. They don’t prevent:
· Loitering nearby
· Watching from a distance
· Showing up in public places
· Driving past repeatedly
· Monitoring online activity
· Following from afar
Survivors know this. It’s why some end up changing jobs, homes, schedules, vehicles, and absorbing the costs themselves.
Emergency Protection Orders (EPOs): quicker, but limited
Alberta does offer an Emergency Protection Order, which can be granted without notifying the abusive person if the situation is high-risk.
But the questions survivors face are painful:
· “Do I qualify?”
· “Will the officer believe me?”
· “What if they decide it’s not urgent enough?”
· “What if the order gets reviewed later and overturned?”
EPOs can help in life-threatening situations. But the threshold, and the discretion, are high.
· An EPO must be reviewed by a judge within 9 working days, and a judge can replace an EPO with a King's Bench protection order.
· EPOs can be used to remove an offender from their home and prevent their return, and the police can obtain an EPO if they're investigating a domestic disturbance.
The Access Gap
The strict criteria for EPOs mean many victims of stalking, harassment, and non-physical abuse don't qualify for this higher level of protection.
· To qualify for an Emergency Protection Order, you must be 'family members' under the Protection Against Family Violence Act, which includes people who are or have been married to one another, people who are or have been adult interdependent partners, or people who are residing or have resided together.
· If your harasser is a neighbor, co-worker, acquaintance, or someone you dated but never lived with, you don't qualify for an EPO. You're left with only the restraining order option, with all its barriers and limitations.
The Physical vs. Non-Physical Violence Recognition Gap
Throughout our conversation, a critical question emerged: Are law enforcement and legal systems adequately recognizing non-physical forms of abuse?
While intimate partner violence legally includes psychological abuse, coercive control, financial abuse, and other non-physical forms of harm under the Protection Against Family Violence Act, practical application at the police level appears inconsistent.
"What are we protecting? Are we protecting the body only?" they asked. "Are we just trying to keep somebody alive, so life or death is the line? Or are we considering other factors?"
The Invisible Harm
Non-physical abuse creates real consequences:
· Mental health impact: Constant anxiety, hypervigilance, watching out windows to see who's driving by
· Work disruption: Difficulty concentrating, decreased productivity
· Financial burden: Potential need to change vehicles, homes, jobs to feel safe
· Social isolation: Withdrawal from activities and relationships for safety reasons
"There's a lot of unseen consequences," they said. "They're not bruises."
Yet the legal system's response, or lack thereof, suggests these harms aren't being weighted equally to physical violence.
What this conversation taught me
After hearing all this, I had a clearer understanding of the truth:
A restraining order is a tool. Not a shield. Not a guarantee. Not immediate safety.
Survivors need:
· Realistic expectations
· Support navigating the process
· Safety planning beyond legal paperwork
· Emotional and practical help
· People who understand the limitations of the system, not just the intentions
What we all need to take away from this conversation
If you’re a friend or informal supporter:
Instead of immediately suggesting a restraining order, try asking:
· “What would actually help you feel safer right now?”
· “Would you like me to go with you to get information?”
· “Do you want help documenting what’s happened?”
If you’re someone in an unsafe situation:
You deserve support before, during and after any legal step.
You are not “overreacting.”
You are not a burden.
You are not alone.
If you work in HR or community support roles:
Don’t assume an employee is protected simply because “there’s an order.”
Ask how you can assist with:
· schedule flexibility
· private communication channels
· safety planning
· reduced exposure in public-facing roles
The legal system was built to respond to incidents. Abuse is a pattern.
This is where the disconnect lies.
Most protection measures were designed around physical harm. But survivors today face:
· stalking
· coercive control
· digital harassment
· emotional manipulation
· surveillance
· isolation
These behaviours can be devastating, sometimes more than physical violence, yet remain poorly understood in legal frameworks.
The person I spoke with reminded me of something important:
Survivors aren’t failing to follow the system.
The system is failing to understand survivors.
What Survivors and Supporters Need to Know
If you're experiencing harassment, stalking, or abuse in Alberta:
Know your rights under criminal law: Section 264 of the Criminal Code prohibits criminal harassment, which includes repeatedly following, repeatedly communicating with, besetting or watching someone, or engaging in threatening conduct that causes reasonable fear for safety. Don't accept arbitrary thresholds that don't exist in law.
Document everything: Even if you're blocking communication, keep screenshots before you block. Document incidents with dates, times, locations, and witnesses. You can attach copies of police reports, 911 calls, medical reports and other documents as exhibits to your Affidavit.
Always get a file number: When you report to police, ask specifically for a file number and the officer's name. Write it down. Follow up in writing to confirm your report is documented.
Understand Alberta's protection order options:
· Emergency Protection Orders (EPOs) for family members in urgent situations
· King's Bench Protection Orders for family violence situations that may not be as urgent
· Restraining orders for situations involving neighbours, coworkers, dating relationships, or others not covered by EPOs
· Peace bonds through the criminal justice system
Access free support: confidential, available 24/7, (some in more than 170 languages), to get connected with resources that can help.
Seek legal help: Legal Aid Alberta provides free legal advice if you earn a low income, and can provide free legal help applying for an EPO. Organizations like Calgary Legal Guidance offer specialized domestic violence legal intervention programs.
Consider all risks: Before filing for a restraining order, work with an advocate from these resources to assess whether the process might escalate danger in your specific situation.
Know about Clare's Law: Under Clare's Law in Alberta, if you feel at risk of domestic violence, you can get information about a partner's potentially abusive past so you can make informed choices about your safety.
Financial support exists: The Escaping Abuse Benefit provides emergency income support for people fleeing family violence. Contact the Emergency Income Support Contact Centre.
If you're supporting someone experiencing abuse:
Don't minimize the process: Saying "just get a restraining order" vastly understates the effort, emotional toll, and barriers involved. Offer practical help with the process instead.
Provide concrete support: Offer to help with paperwork, accompany them to court, assist with service of documents, or help document incidents.
Recognize non-physical abuse: Psychological abuse, coercive control, and stalking are real harms that deserve serious attention, even when there's no physical violence.
Believe and validate: The system's inadequate response doesn't mean the harm isn't real. Your belief and support matter enormously.
Connect them with local resources:
Alberta Resources
24/7 Crisis & Support Lines:
· Family Violence Info Line: 310-1818 (call or text, 170+ languages)
· 211 Alberta: Call, text, or chat 211 (24/7 resource connection)
· Alberta One Line (sexual violence): 1-866-403-8000 (call or text)
· Men's Helpline: 1-833-327-6367
· Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-387-5437
· Abuse Helpline: 1-855-443-5722
Calgary Services:
· Calgary Women's Emergency Shelter: 403-234-7233 (SAFE) or 1-866-606-7233 (toll-free)
· Connect Family & Sexual Abuse Network: 403-237-5888 or 1-877-237-5888 (toll-free)
· YWCA Sheriff King Home: 403-266-0707 (24-hour crisis line)
· HomeFront Calgary: Coordinated domestic violence response
· Calgary Legal Guidance: Domestic Violence Legal Intervention Program (403-716-6478)
Legal & Financial Support:
· Legal Aid Alberta: 1-866-845-3425 (free legal advice for low income)
· Emergency Income Support: 1-866-644-5135 (Escaping Abuse Benefit)
· Victim Services Alberta: Directory at alberta.ca/victim-services
Indigenous-Specific Services:
· Native Counselling Services of Alberta: Court processes, Children's Services support
· Awo Taan Healing Lodge Society: 403-531-1970 ext. 200
Provincial Resources:
· Alberta Council of Women's Shelters: Shelter locations across Alberta
· Clare's Law: Information about partner's abuse history for safety planning
· Protection Order Information: alberta.ca/restraining-protection-orders
1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced abuse. Across Canada communities are recognizing and declaring an epidemic of abuse. The highest per capita rate of domestic abuse in Canada is in my hometown of Red Deer, Alberta. And that is just the cases we’re aware of.
Nobody chooses to be abused. It is unsafe. It is unhealthy, and it is unnecessary. This has to stop.
What can you do? Don’t look the other way because it makes you uncomfortable.
You may feel unsure, unprepared, not knowing what to offer if they are ready. Afraid of rejection, or of insulting them.
You may fear for your own safety.
These are all valid. But you can prepare so you’re more confident and more effective.
· There are courses available online (ie. Sagesse’s REAL Talk) to help you with the tough conversations.
· Have this list of resources, shelters, and supports available.
It’s time to speak up for those who aren’t safe to do so; so they can become safe to use their own voice.
Deena Kordt
~~~
This article is based on a survivor's real experiences navigating Alberta's legal system. While their story is specific to one jurisdiction and time period, many of the barriers described are systemic issues affecting survivors across Canada. Laws and resources continue to evolve. For current information specific to your situation, contact Legal Aid Alberta or local victim services.
Sources:
· Alberta.ca Government Resources
· Criminal Code of Canada, Section 264
· Department of Justice Canada, A Handbook for Police and Crown Prosecutors on Criminal Harassment (2017)
· Alberta Courts
· Calgary Police Service Victim Services
· WillowNet Legal Information
· Calgary Legal Guidance
· Alberta Council of Women's Shelters
*Here's the critical issue: This "100 messages per day" threshold does not appear anywhere in Canadian law.
Section 264 of the Criminal Code defines criminal harassment as repeatedly following, repeatedly communicating with (directly or indirectly), besetting or watching someone's dwelling or workplace, or engaging in threatening conduct that causes the person to reasonably fear for their safety. Canadian courts have clarified that "repeatedly communicating" can mean as few as two communications, depending on context, and in some circumstances, a conviction for criminal harassment can be secured based on one incident.
The officer's interpretation appears to represent either a specific detachment's practice or a misunderstanding of the law—but it's not what the Criminal Code requires. This disconnect between legal reality and police practice creates devastating consequences for survivors.
This article was written by Deena Kordt and featured in her ‘Human First’ LinkedIn Newsletter.
📖 You can subscribe here.
Meet the Author - Deena Kordt
Deena Kordt, publisher of Life Changes & Divorce Magazine Canada, host of the Life Changes Channel podcast, is also an author & speaker from Southern Saskatchewan with a passion for inspiring personal growth and community support. Growing up on a farm and ranch, she developed strong small-town values and a deep sense of community. Deena has had a diverse career, including roles as a nurse, librarian, and reiki master, but her most cherished role is as a mother.
Deena's books, podcast, magazines, blog and presentations aim to help individuals reconnect with their inner strength and joy, encouraging them to embrace life with courage and resilience. She has overcome significant personal challenges, including the loss of two brothers and living in an abusive situation, which has fueled her mission to support others on their healing journeys.
Known for her adventurous spirit and rock 'n roll heart, Deena believes in the power of a supportive community of women. She invites you to join her in exploring life with curiosity and courage.
Awards and Recognition:
2023 Womanition Trail Blazer Award Nominee
2024 Soroptimist International Ruby Award Winner
2025 IOFP Top Women’s Leadership Coach & Publisher of the Year
Deena has been featured on several podcasts and magazines, co-hosts the “Shift Happens Show” and is working on her memoir.
Note: The author, compiler and publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party due to these words coming from the author’s own opinion based on their experiences. This account is based on the author’s own personal experience. We assume no responsibility for errors or omissions in these articles.
